Director: Marcus Dunstan
Starring: Josh Stewart, Emma Fitzpatrick, Christopher McDonald
Have you ever been in the theater, waiting to watch a movie with your friends, when the previews start playing (the best part of some movies), and then your eyes are shocked by something that you had no prior knowledge of? That is how I felt when I saw the trailer for The Collector. I don’t remember what movie I had gone to the theater for, but remember it was at the Cinemark Festival Bay. Great, I’m rambling again. Anyway, The Collection was a sequel to The Collector, which in of itself was originally planned (apparently, I think) as a prequel to the Saw bazillionogy of films. I was never a fan of those movies (I mildly abhor torture porn), so I never had an interest in The Collector. This trailer for The Collection promised to have more of an action/thriller slant, so I decided then and there to say I wanted to see it in the theater, but secretly my plan was to wait close to a year, then happen upon it in the New Releases section of instant Netflix. So one Friday night I sat down with the Collector to take in his macabre collection.
The Collection starts off with a bunch of news broadcast clips, basically telling you how evil the Collector is. He kills lots of people, then kidnaps one unlucky victim, and forces them to watch the Kardashians put another hole in the ozone layer with the noxious fumes that spew out of their mouths. One of the news reporters mentions the Collector even kills children, so that tells you something. It told me he doesn’t want the kids to be orphans. The movie then cuts to Elena and her friend (whose name I forget, so we will call her Sunflower) and her friend’s brother, (I forgot his name too, so let’s address him as Sir Duke). Elena, Sunflower, and Sir Duke are going to one of those rich people underground (not literally, although that would have been cool too, then they could have met the Mole Men and had adventures) parties. After meeting a guy in an alley and saying the password of “cannon fodder”, they are granted entrance to the party. Lots of models and other pretty extras are dancing suggestively and making out. Ever notice in movies how everyone can dance really well, but in real life if you go to a club it looks like everyone has Parkinson’s disease? Anyway, they are dancing and having a good time, when Elena catches her “at work” boyfriend kissing some semi-hot (I mean semi, like a truck) chick. Elena punches her boyfriend, and runs off to the bathroom to wash her hands, as her boyfriend has cooties. Long story short, she discovers a wardrobe which contains a secret entry into Narnia, and goes on an adventure with Arkin, the protagonist of the first film. Ok, really she discovers a large red trunk, and upon opening it, Arkin pops out. The opening of the trunk causes a lever to move, which causes a gear to turn, which causes a pulley system to activate, which causes a hamster to start running in a hamster wheel, causing it to turn a paddle, forcing 4 ping pong balls to drop into chutes, causing the Lotto numbers 4, 9, 11, and 28 to be picked for that night’s jackpot. The Collector (who has been hiding in the rafters of the club) is upset, as he picked different numbers, so he kills everyone in the club with a big spinning spike wheel. It must have cost him an arm and a leg (ha ha) as lots of computer animated people die. He then kidnaps Elena in front of Arkin, so Arkin jumps out a window to escape for some reason. I am betting it’s because the Collector is very scary looking! He wears a leather-like ski mask, and NEVER BLINKS! Plus he scowls a lot, but not like a cool Clint Eastwood scowl, more like someone who has just found out the only milk left in the fridge expired 2 days ago. Arkin is taken to a hospital for some undetermined time, and once he is able to get around, is met by a guy who is pretending to be Liam Neeson from Taken, and asks some questions about Elena. Apparently Elena’s dad actually wants her back, and has hired some mercenaries to get her back. They need Arkin’s help, as he escaped from the Collector, and can guide them to him. This sets our plot into motion, and leads to an intense, gore filled ride through the Collector’s headquarters.
My thoughts? I loved this movie! It had me hooked (haha again) from the opening minutes, and by the end I was cheering on Arkin and Elena on their quest to escape the Collector’s funhouse. There were some parts that had me yelling at the screen, in the hope that the god guys could hear me. I truly enjoyed the intensity of The Collection, and I am glad to say it did not let up until the very end. I was afraid this movie would fall into the clichéd ending of the villain walking away, or having one last jump scare, or having his mask taken off to reveal it was Mr. Ludley, the elderly shop owner (who would have gotten away with it, if it weren’t for those meddling kids!). Thankfully, none of these happen, we are left with something incredibly satisfying, like getting 2 fortunes in a fortune cookie, instead of just one. I highly recommend The Collection for anyone looking for a good escape into an intense, gripping, gore-filled thriller.
- A scary bad guy in a leather ski mask (it’s NOT S&M, I promise!)
- Cool gore (minus the dance floor scene)
- Not enough Christopher McDonald
- No Alan Arkin