Hidden 3D (2011)

Director: Antoine Thomas

Starring: Sean Clement, Simonetta Solder

Hidden 3D

The entire premise of the movie is narrated to the viewer within 10 minutes of it starting. Dr. Susan Carter is actually the narrator, and she is describing a revolutionary discovery she made in the treatment of drug and other addictions. By using the venom of some made up fly and injecting it into her trial subjects’ brains, the addiction makes the transition from a psychological/chemical disease, into a physical one, which can then be removed by surgery. A secondary breakthrough of this discovery, as she puts it, is that the venom was also able to replicate in the brain…can you see where this is going?

Flash-forward a few decades, and we find out that Dr. Carter has just passed, and her previous work, so greatly respected over the years, has now come into question due to several patients’ complaints of inhumane treatment. Her son, who clearly had not spoken to mom is many years, and didn’t even bother to go to her funeral, is the sole heir of the hospital where Dr. Carter used to conduct her experiments. What would a pissed off son do when he finds out he is the proud new owner of a dilapidated, creepy hospital, you ask? Why, he would get a bunch of friends together and go explore it for no reason!

 

Cue in a series of tired horror gags as the crew starts making their way through the old hallways and exam rooms. Expected scares, characters that fall beautifully into the horror archetypes, and extremely artificial CGI effects that don’t help the movie at all all come together into this sad orchestration of what can only be described as shit. The effects are so fake they’re distracting. Even entire scenes felt like they were done on green screen in some dude’s basement, and not on location. A special shitty award goes to the swarm of flies, which was reminiscent of the GIFs in Birdemmic (thanks a lot, Chris!). Truth be told, though, Hidden 3D has a couple bright spots. The hospital setting is always a good tried-and-true one, the set props were interesting, and the monsters are actually OK. In fact, I have to admit: when we set out to write this blog, we decided after much deliberation that we would NEVER turn off a movie, no matter how bad it got. Hidden 3D is one of those movies that gets less crappy as it progresses…even if only marginally. Ordinarily I would have turned it off after about 20 minutes, but it turned out fine that I didn’t. I’m not saying this is a classic, or that it’s even worth the 81 minutes you’ll dedicate to it…but if you find yourself with nothing to do, and no other movies to watch, this one is at least on instant on Netflix…convenience’s gotta count for something.

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