First and foremost I must thank my wife for providing the idea for this article. We were vacationing in Miami, enjoying a nice morning on the beach when she looked up from some article she was reading and says “Blekkk! Babe, there’s some bar in Canada that serves a cocktail with a severed toe in it!” (Don’t worry, full details are below…)
I looked at her in disgust, contemplating who, other than The Nerdcronomicon’s own Chris, would willingly indulge in such a macabre libation, when my wife added, “You know what? You should write a blog post about gross cocktails and food stuff.”
My looks of disgust were quickly replaced by those of adoration and pride.
My wife gets it. She knows what makes me—and hopefully you, dear reader—tick. So this one’s for you, honey. A list of the 17 most disgusting cocktails and culinary creations I could find, with as many details as I could provide without throwing up.
17. Camel Milk Cocktail
This one is big in the Middle East. It’s
an alcohol free cocktail that was created for Muslims celebrating Ramadan. Camel’s milk is particularly high in protein and other nutrients, which you would appreciate too if fasting was an intricate part of your religion. I would probably try this one. With Oreos. There’s a whole line available at the Ritz Carlton in Abu Dhabi.
16. Chocolate Buttholes
Yep. Chocolate buttholes. Crazy Brits! They may look disgusting, and I’m sure if your church’s Ladies Auxiliary knew what you’d garnished your German chocolate cake with you probably wouldn’t be invited to submit an entry in next year’s bake sale, but these are made of Belgian chocolate. I’m sure they’re delicious. Come on, you’ve probably had a lot worse in your mouth.
15. “The Crapper” Cocktail
Here’s another entry that simply looks gross, but probably tastes delicious. “The Crapper” is a chocolate based Pina Colada served in a toilet bowl, garnished with (what else?) a Snickers bar. Like the majority of concoctions on this list, you’ll have to leave America to find it and travel to Las Vegas. It’s available at Rock & Rita’s at Circus Circus Casino and Hotel. It will run you about $25 but hey, you get to keep the toilet bowl. Plus, if you tell people you spent the night eating buttholes and drinking from the toilet, they’ll either think you were hanging out with a Rottweiler or Charlie Sheen. There are perks to both.
14. Octopus Ice-cream
Ahhh. Now we’re getting somewhere. This is something that sounds, looks and probably tastes disgusting. Ben & Jerry’s toyed around with this idea in between launching Chunky Monkey and Cherry Garcia, but they couldn’t come up with a clever name. They should have called me. I would have called it “Cow-amari.” Get it? You’ll have to drive to Japan to find this one.
13. Rocky Mountain Oysters
Guess what, city slickers (that’s you, Silvia), these aren’t really oysters. They’re bull testicles—deep fried and delicious. This novelty dish is considered cowboy fare and is still very popular in the American West. Look past the ingredients and this one’s actually pretty good.
12. Three Lizard Liquor
The Chinese. They’ll throw anything in a bottle of booze, call it a delicacy and sell it on the black market. As a child, I was particularly fond of “4 cigarette butt cola” (come on, at least some of you reading this have done it…). Anyway, if you want this you have to travel East (or West) to China. Or start digging a really deep hole.
OK, how delicious does this look? Preparation is a cinch. Find a pig, hope that it befriends a magical web-spinning spider that will make you filthy rich, but if it doesn’t, cut the pig’s throat, boil the blood, throw in some pig organs and bacon—making it fucking awesome—and serve with red wine (but of course). This dish is big in Hungary. So are the women.
9. Fish Assholes
8. Donkey Penis
Say that 5 times fast. Doesn’t it sound like you’re saying “documents?” Guess what I’ll be asking for tomorrow at work? Anyway, leave it to our Chinese friends to hack off a donkey’s dick and put in on the menu.
I love duck, especially when the chef preparing it really knows what they’re doing. In the Philippines they incubate a duck egg until it’s almost fully developed, then they boil the bird alive. Sound appetizing? Go ahead, Jeffrey Dahmer, knock yourself out.
6. Casa Marzu
5. Snake Blood
4. Elephant Dung Beer
“Dude, this beer tastes like shit. Order me one of those drinks that comes in a toilet bowl…” This Japanese beverage probably still tastes better than Miller Lite. And more importantly, since when did Japan have elephants?
3. Sour Toe Cocktail
Here it is! The catalyst for this article. You can read the full epic saga here: www.sourtoecocktailclub.com, but here’s the basic gist. In the 1920’s a rumrunner was sneaking booze across the Canada/U.S. border and got frost bite on his toe. It was amputated and preserved in a jar of alcohol. In 1973 Captain Dick Stevenson found the toe and did the only logical thing—threw it in a rocks glass, dumped a little whiskey on top of it and slugged it back until said toe hit his lips. The tradition was born.
I’m curious, had “Captain Dick’s” name been “Captain Toe” what would they have put in the glass? (Give it a second, it’ll come to you…) Anyway, they’ve gone through a few toes over the years because there’s always some asshole that swallows the toe, ruining everyone’s fun until a replacement toe can be found. I hear the latest fine for swallowing a toe is $2500.
The Nerdcronomicon team discussed this one and Silvia said she’d do it for $500,000.
I’d do it for $50.
Chris would do it for a certificate, which works out great because that’s exactly what you get.
2. Semen Cocktails
OK. This has to be a fraternity prank gone wrong, right? I mean, how the hell do you even dream something like this up? “Hey (INSERT DOUCHEY FRAT BOY NAME HERE), I was gonna make us some Screwdrivers but we’re all out of orange juice, but I DO have the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition and absolutely no fucking morals…”
Well somebody’s making a fortune off of it. There’s an entire recipe book.
And here it is folks—the number 1 most vile, disgusting food or beverage on the planet……………………
I would eat a five course meal of assholes, monkey balls and fat people farts, chased down with a tall glass of Moose piss before I’d ever touch Tequila again.
Did we miss anything? What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever ate/drank?